"Filled"= stretched to the full. This is the description I got from my pastor a few weeks ago at church, as he talked about God's Holy Spirit at work in our lives. As I'm sitting in my office trying to think of what to do to relax tonight, when I should probably just go to bed, I am feeling very stretched to the full. This week has been one of the weirdest weeks Ben and I have encountered as a couple. Totally unexpected, heart-wrenching circumstances have caused us to slow down and take a new perspective on this life we are living.
Sitting on the beach in Panama City, Florida last Friday, we got a call from Ben's mom saying that she may have Leukemia. We were able to stop by and see his parents and sister on our drive back to Milwaukee on Sunday, and pray for her and just be with them. It was still pretty surreal. Monday night it was confirmed that she had cancer, and she was going in to start treatment Wednesday. The Doctors discovered this when she went in for a regular checkup and had some blood tests done. For years they have known Leukemia could be a possibility, but now it has become a reality. I've heard stories and read articles about people whose family members have gone through treatment, and how people rally around them. But I never understood it until now. Seeing my husband cry his heart out in sadness and anger at what his mom would have to go through to fight cancer opened the door to a whole new season we would walk through together. And it's not just his struggle because it's his mom, it's our struggle, as a whole family. We are fighting together and praying that God would provide a cure for her.
Though it hasn't been easy, God has already used this in so many ways: To strengthen our family, to help me love my husband the way he needs, to be his biggest supporter, to show us that though we have plans for our lives, they may be different than God's and we need to submit to whatever He has and continue to trust that He is good, and knows what He is doing. That it's okay to take that last day that she was at home off from work so we could just be with her in those few hours, even when Ben is scheduled to speak at a meeting and we have been gone for a week. That we don't need to be in control of everything that's going on at our campuses.
Having a full schedule keeps me busy and feeling productive in life, and I enjoy the satisfaction of maximizing every opportunity possible. But I want to be filled less with things on my plate and more with the people I love, and the moments I get to have with them. To be able to hear what God wants to tell me in moments of stillness and times of need, which are many. God says He is the one who will be exalted in ALL the earth-and I want to be still enough to follow His leading and give Him the notoriety that He deserves. (Psalm 46:10)
If you want to pray for Ben's mom, her name is Chris, and our main prayer right now is for a successful bone marrow transplant that leads to a cure. She is an amazingly strong woman, and we are all hopeful that she will get through this and only be stronger by the grace of God.
