Hindsight: Still not 20/20

I came across this blog post that never made it online while on our trip:

Three weeks ago I read Isaiah 55:8-9 on one of the flights to Ghana. It was a desperate attempt to intake some scripture in the midst of being tired, fighting a cold, and leading 29 students to another continent.    I have read the verses before, and am in full agreement that God is much greater that I am. 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.   For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” 

I caught a glimpse of this truth playing out the first 48 hours in country.  Constant adjustments needed to be made, I had next to nothing for a voice, and I was sweating. Constantly. (That's just not something a girl likes to do). Clearly I could not maintain a positive, let alone Christ-like mindset left to my own devices.  I could not understand why things were playing out the way they were, and why our plans were not sufficient despite all the time we spent working them out.  But I could trust that God knew.  In the coming weeks I would see God use circumstances to reveal flaws in my character, challenge the depth of my faith in Him, and on whom I truly depend to bear fruit for His kingdom.  There were a few days where I really did not want to be in Ghana, leading a team, or working as a missionary.  Despite those feelings and the trials that made those days seem unbearable, I am so glad Ben and I came to Ghana. When I think of what we would have missed had we done something else, I know we would have missed out on some sweet gifts from Him.  I am seeing God’s purpose(s) for us being here unfold as the days go on, and it is really humbling and awesome.  

Today I am reminded of those verses in Isaiah yet again.  As I sat in my room in our hostel this afternoon, planning for Wednesday’s Bible study, I had a sweet encounter with God. I asked the Lord for something specific, and my heart was humbled at the thought of Him listening, and the knowledge that He wants this prayer to be answered as much as I do. (I know because it’s true to His Word.)  The Holy Spirit gave me words to pray, and my heart genuinely thanked God for all He has done here, as I reflected on the past few weeks and the experiences we have had.  I asked Him boldly to not let us come back home the same as when we left.  I could not have planned to connect with God intimately during an afternoon of planning, but am grateful that the truths in Isaiah exist and are causing me to grow and depend more on Jesus, and less on myself.  I am so glad and praise God that He knows what I need, when I need it.  

I still don't know why certain things played out the way they did, but having been home for two weeks now and hearing from students all that they learned during our trip, I have a bit more insight into God's work through every detail.